Ted’s essays

open rebellion day

warning do not remove
Circle this date in RED.

I removed several warning labels

in direct violation of the printed

instructions thereupon.

warning heater cordThis first one cautions anyone literate enough to read, but too stupid to think that the heater it was attached to CREATES HEAT. Heat, the government wizards go on to inform, can increase the risk of, gasp, FIRE.

This big cluttered blob of ALL CAPS (widely known as shouting in print), bold, red print lists several stupid things that the narrow population band of eager-reading non-thinkers might find enlightening EVERY time they prepare to use their electric heater.

This kind of begs the question, “How many eager-reading, literate idiots can dance on the head of a pin?”


warning windowFor a decade the manufactured home we occupy had this ——> educational bit on EVERY window.

Once upon a time I read one of them… splendidly enlightening it was for sure.

As it turns out, government experts have determined that, in case of emergency, it is easier to exit through these cleverly labeled windows than the 2-by-6 constructed wood and sheetrock walls next to them. Whoa – who’d-a-guessed that one without important official government assistance?

Furthermore, these thoughtfully labeled windows are easier to exit if you open them first. Not only that, they are constructed primarily of glass. Interestingly, they inform, when broken, glass can have some sharp parts that may be injurious if you aren’t very careful. Therefore, thoroughly study this important label in an emergency so you are reminded to open the windows before exiting through them.

Our celebration continued with a great cleaning of the entire windows. The unobstructed, uncluttered, clear, clean windows are a real treat. Our views are fantastic. We have loved them from first sight. Today our view in every direction lost the nagging little presence of a government run amok. As easy as it is to push that into the background, it is there… ever-present… Nanny state to the north, south, east and west… in the corner of every window you look out. AH, but now no more.


your privacy is protectedFinally, not deserving of its own post, is the government-mandated notice that came in the mail with an unsolicited insurance offering.

OH CRAP! I just realized how important this was. And I threw it away long ago, keeping what I thought was a ridiculous joke.

What if they COULD HAVE protected my privacy?

That would be an offer of tremendous value today.

Jeeze folks. Please send it again. I promise I’ll sign up – that is if you can keep your side of the bargain.